I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize