She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
