EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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