I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
