U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
