Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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