It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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