you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
