She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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