i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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