listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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