she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
