Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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