The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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