Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
