I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
