2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
