Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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