Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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