I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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