You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
