she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Green mimosas i think yes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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