And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
