my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
