Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
