I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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