Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
