I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You left your phone here
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