She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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