My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
