they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
