Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
