she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
