I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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