i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
