he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
