Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
not ubering you a puppy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
