How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Blood and glitter go together right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
