Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
