My liver just broke up with me...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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