If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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