how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
