i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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