I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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