Tell her she can't have a vagina
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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