hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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