Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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