Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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