just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize