She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
