I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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