how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
