I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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