Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
