My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
