My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
