he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
