The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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