We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
