so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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