weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i love accidental penises.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize