Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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