What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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