I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
