I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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