i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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